Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. (Wikipedia) This quality is also equated to – walking your talk, keeping up your word. Lying would be unethical, untruthful, show poor moral principles and end with not walking your talk. There is an implicit trust in what the professionals says and therefore a presumption that it is the truth. If not true, then there could be disastrous consequences for the client.
Over the past 4 decades, the acceptance of lying seems to have evolved to a point where many believe it is ok to do so. In the last decade in our office, we were faced with the issue of a few committed, hardworking, knowledgeable employees letting us down when they failed to deliver their part in time, leading to loss of face and credibility for the partners with our client/ publisher. It consequently led to frustration and loss of trust in that person, which was avoidable.
There appears to be value in the old sayings:
- Truth is like surgery, it tears apart, but it heals ultimately for the better (having rid ourselves/ the environment of the undesirable),
- Truth is like a stitch in time avoids nine, and
- One untruth leads to more untruth.
We observed that less integrity was more in initiatives which were not linked to the billable deliverables like research work, articles contribution, booklet/ book authoring.
At times we found that the work was not even started till the last moment- though in the start, it was emphasised that the work would need an hour per day for a month or so. Understood that this a common phenomenon at all levels of the organization even between the partners and qualified professionals!!
A deeper study led to some understanding and ways to resolve such self-defeating habit. (at times one becomes a compulsive liar over time) It is examined on its impact in profession, why one lies, underlying triggers which sets off the disempowering act/ habit & ending with possible ways to overcoming / limit and eventually build integrity.
Types of Lies
- Untruths: This is the most damaging as trust would be lost even if it is matter of low importance. The impact could show the Company/ other Partner/ other Director in bad light with the client/ stakeholders leading to loss of income /business.
- Suppressing relevant information- Omitting to share: All the time being clear not to state any untruths. We had to allow a very senior, knowledgeable person after more than a decade to leave on 2 occasions which put us back a few years.
- Exaggeration of successes/ Playing down failures: This is done by many speakers / presenters/ teachers to drive home a point. I have been guilty of this many times. May not be serious but the keen lister knows. More importantly we know. Need to reduce & weed out over time.
- Subtle lies: We do this to feel better and most times this is to ourselves. This is also done by manipulative persons to get what they want in a clandestine way. Examples could be - I am not from a rich family, not genetically endowed, shooting over others shoulders, half truths of others character etc. This is a defense mechanism to avoid hard work- failure, disappointment, taking a risk or worse to manipulate to get unfair results etc. These lies on self would limit our development and growth/ happiness. However, if subtle lies are spread on others it would not be professional at all.
- White lies: Resorted mostly for unimportant communication when truth would be uncomfortable, complex, complicated or harmful to the other persons. This today is increasingly accepted as preferable instead of being straightforward which could end up doing damage to feelings of others.
Why does one Lie - Genesis?
The list below is a collation of reasons why one may lie:
- Not wishing to hurt, upset, harm oneself and more importantly others,
- Wanting to look good- at least for the time being or unable to say “no” in order to please the other,
- Fear of being found incompetent/ inefficient/ inadequate/ answering the question “why”,
- Work accepted beyond comfort zone or competencies,
- Work not delegated properly or supervised properly during the progress,
- To avoid / delay/ deflect blame of adverse result of embarrassment,
- Too many jobs on the table – just not able to cope up,
- Putting out too many fires – unable to spend enough time on important one – not prioritising or not able to follow the set priorities,
- Senior/ boss too reactive- afraid to set them off,
- Thinking that it would advance one’s goal,
- Wanting no intrusion to private / personal matters,
- Many others … reflect to add
The above could also assist us in understanding what is that which triggers us to lie.
How to Avoid?
- Focus on your goals and make the right decisions for the right reason – look long term – keep in mind what do you want to be remembered for.
- Identify the trigger/s. Accept that as reality. [ many people do in varying degrees] Being aware and accepting can be the first step to resolving.
- Look at long term impact. Also see the positive result if stopping to lie - over a period of time.
- Look at the impact in the worst case. It may not be really bad or not that bad.
- Plan alternative responses which are empowering.
- Put boundaries for acceptance of work based on goals and capabilities. Possible response to senior - I have no previous experience and to get ready to do so would take a few months.
- Say no politely – “this month I have ABC project – next month/ quarter I would be glad to take it up after that” (only if that is possible).
- Take support when needed – delay expected.
- Communicate clearly and honestly the moment you feel that there could be an issue on the deadline.
- Surround yourself with people of high integrity
- If wishing to resolve/ reduce this disempowering behavior - Start by putting actions like next 3 days I will not lie- whatever happens. Then maybe longer period…
- Further option to get counselled/ coached if habituated.
- Also, online support (maybe paid) to get past.
Conclusion:
It is proved that our language can influence our thoughts which can influence our emotions (subconscious) and that can influence our actions and results. Therefore, change your thoughts and beliefs in this area to have the highest integrity. Feedback at [email protected]